Rose: Pester Dave
by Azaisya
Summary: In which Rose pesters Dave, and they both struggle to do their homework. Alpha timeline, rating for Strilonde-style conversations.


**Hello! This is not connected to my other alpha!strilonde fic, as this fic assumes that Rose and Dave met on the internet as children and kept in contact as they grew up. It also assumes that Dave is an orphan and Rose has been adopted by a wealthy politician. It further assumes that Dave went to school in New York to be closer to Rose and that they are both in college. It assumes that you will enjoy this silly little oneshot and also have a nice day.**

 **There is a better version (w color!) at AO3:** **tinyurl dot com slash alphafic2**

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\- tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 3:14 -

TT: Dave, if I'm not allowed out of this abysmal house in three hours, I shall have to resort to throwing myself off of the landing.

TT: Dave, I'm being serious. My darling mother hasn't been home in two weeks.

TT: My crops are flagging.

TT: My livestock are dying.

TT: And my dainty figure is rapidly imploding.

TG: does that mean i get your fancy house

TG: if youre dying i mean

TT: Oh, thank God.

TT: My knight in shining armor has arrived to whisk me away from this barren wasteland.

TG: fuck yeah I have

TG: better prepare yourself for some first rate rescuing

TT: Bring fast food when you do.

TG: shit things must be desperate

TG: do you hear that bro

TG: the lady la-fucking-londe herself has finally lowered herself to our level

TG: demanding fast food like some starving orphan

TG: quick someone prepare for damage control

TT: And cat food. We ran out of that yesterday too.

TG: wait what the fuck

TG: youve been eating cat food?

TG: why didnt you just leave

TT: Dave, I'm afraid I can't think of how else to put this.

TT: My patience has already been run thin by the frankly disgusting amount of chicken noodle soup my mother has in storage.

TT: I shall put it as simply as possible for you.

TT: Stop being an ass and bring me food.

TG: lalonde youre like a forty minute drive away

TG: and ive got to finish this essay

TT: Bullshit it.

TG: i mean

TG: i already was

TT: Bullshit it faster.

TG: jesus lalonde

TG: youre lucky i was already doing that

TG: its still going to take me a fuck while to get to your place

TG: you know

TG: because you live in the middle of the goddamn woods

TG: and im a broke college student who doesnt have a car

TT: Pity.

TT: I'll be waiting.

TT: Perhaps in anguish on the kitchen table.

TT: Or dramatically reciting soliloquies from the balcony.

TT: I haven't decided yet.

TG: ok i know your mom is like filthy rich and youve wasted your entire life being home schooled

TG: but like

TG: now that college is a thing

TG: dont you have homework or something

TT: A shocking development!

TT: Dave, I don't think you've figured out how homework works yet, your fifteen years in the American Public School System notwithstanding.

TT: I still have seventeen and a half hours before it's due.

TT: In short, I have time yet before I must scramble to bullshit it.

TG: dammit rose

TG: do your homework

TT: You're a hypocrite.

TT: Regardless, analyzing Shakespeare isn't worth the effort it takes to wrestle with a paper.

TG: i repeat: dammit rose

TG: youre trying to be a writer

TG: arent you supposed to like

TG: worship shakespeare

TG: like

TG: throwing yourself at his feet and begging to learn his secrets sort of thing

TT: No. The Bard has too many fans.

TT: He doesn't have time for them all.

TT: His feet are purely reserved for the illiterate and the exceptionally long-winded.

TT: You fit both of those categories, in case you missed that.

TG: …

TG: okay how about this

TG: you do your homework

TG: ill bring you a milkshake

TT: Fine.

TT: But make it chocolate.

\- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 3:32 -

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 **(Feel free to send constructive criticism! I'm mostly looking for pointers on how to write both of their characters. Thank you for reading!)**


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